The Silverback's Guide
How to Help a Mate Who Is Struggling
How do you help a mate who's struggling?
Notice. Ask clearly. Listen. Get backup. If you are worried about suicide, ask him directly, and if life is in immediate danger, call 000. In Australia, Lifeline is 13 11 14 and MensLine is 1300 78 99 78.
Being a Man has a chapter called When a Mate Is Struggling, and the manifesto has one called Show Up for a Mate. The advice is plain. Swap the 'All good?' text for a call, say what you have noticed and ask how he is really going. If you are worried about suicide, use the word: 'Are you thinking about suicide?' Asking directly and compassionately does not put the idea into someone's head. Listen without tidying up the answer. If he says yes: 'Thanks for telling me. I'm here with you. Let's get some help now.' Do not promise to keep a danger to life secret. Then follow up with offers you can actually keep. You are his mate, not his emergency service, and you do not have to carry it alone.
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What this covers
01
Say what you have noticed, then ask how he is really going
02
Ask directly about suicide if you are worried, and use the word
03
Stay, listen and bring in help: Lifeline, MensLine, or 000 if life is in danger
04
Follow up with offers you can keep, and get support for yourself too
The Silverback says
Being a man is not an audition conducted by the loudest person nearby. You can stop proving your importance and still take your responsibilities seriously.
Arena 1 · The field manual
The Silverback's Guide to Being a Man
The standard you practise when nobody is arranging an audience.
Integrity, mental health, fatherhood, friendship, work, failure and starting again. The first arena taken deeper, in twenty-three chapters about the man people actually live with.
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Questions about how to help a mate who is struggling
What if he does not want to talk?+
Keep the door open. You can stay respectful, tell him you are still worried and ask a support service how to help. In an emergency, get urgent help rather than waiting for agreement. A friend can help, but cannot guarantee an outcome.
Should I give him the book?+
Read it yourself first, and ask him anyway; a book is not a substitute for the conversation. Being a Man covers mental health, staying alive and when a mate is struggling, and chapter 19 of the manifesto has the short version. Neither replaces professional care.
What are the crisis numbers?+
In Australia: 000 if life is in immediate danger. Lifeline 13 11 14, or text 0477 13 11 14, 24/7. MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78, 24/7. Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467. Outside Australia, use your local emergency number and crisis services.
The Nine Arenas
Which arena is on fire?
01
Being a Man
Character, purpose and the daily work of becoming dependable, including asking for help.
The field manual →
02
Money
Habits, risk and financial decisions, from the bottom of the world.
The field manual →
03
Selling
Listening, explaining value and following through. Remember the person across the table.
The field manual →
04
Conflict
Difficult conversations, composure and repair, without demanding the last word.
The field manual →
05
Bullies
From the sandpit to the nursing home. Strength without becoming another bully.
The field manual →
06
Dating
Honesty, curiosity, consent and rejection. Meet people without an exhausting performance.
The field manual →
07
Divorce
Separation, children and rebuilding. Keep your head and protect what matters.
The field manual →
08
Leadership
Decisions, responsibility and listening. The standard others experience.
The field manual →
09
Spotting a Con
Pressure, flattery and missing information. Pause before committing.
The field manual →
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