The Silverback’s Guide
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The Silverback's Guide

How to Help a Mate Who Is Struggling

How do you help a mate who's struggling?

Notice. Ask. Then sit with him. Six men a day in Australia die by suicide and the single biggest lever on that number is the mate who notices and the mate who asks.

The manifesto's chapter fifteen is titled How to Save Your Mate, and it is the reason the book exists. Take him out for a coffee, not a beer, and ask how he is actually going. Listen. Don't fix. Just listen. Replace 'man up' with 'tell me what's going on': five words that communicate I see you, I have time, you are safe to be honest with me. If he is in danger, call Lifeline with him on 13 11 14. If you are sharing the book because a mate is struggling, the Silverback considers that a feature, not a piracy issue.

About the book

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What this covers

  1. 01

    The question to ask and the follow-up when he says he is fine

  2. 02

    'Tell me what's going on' and 'what does the evidence say?'

  3. 03

    What to do at 2am, and the numbers to keep in your phone

  4. 04

    Connection is a muscle: the message to the friend you have not spoken to since 2019

The Silverback says

The bloke you are alone is the bloke you actually are.

Arena 1 · The field manual

The Silverback's Guide to Being a Man

The foundation everything else stands on.

Mental health, suicide prevention, fatherhood, friendship, integrity, purpose, legacy. Fail here and the other six arenas collapse like a deck of cards in a strong wind.

Instant PDF · Stripe checkout · Australia-made

Questions about how to help a mate who is struggling

What if he does not want to talk?+

Keep showing up. The book calls it the litany: sit with your kid, listen to your mate, show up, show up, show up. You do not need the right words. You need to be there next week too.

Should I give him the book?+

Yes, and read it yourself first. Being a Man is the volume on mental health, suicide prevention and friendship; the Manifesto has the short version.

What are the crisis numbers?+

Lifeline 13 11 14. Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636. MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78. Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467. 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732. Emergency 000. Free, confidential, staffed by people who get it.

The Complete Library

Read in any order. Skip what is not relevant. Come back when the next arena lights up.

Every volume in the series, delivered together: the Manifesto and all seven field manuals as PDFs, in your inbox within a minute. Lend them to mates. Argue with them. Underline them. Spill beer on them.

  • The Silverback's Guide
  • The Silverback's Guide to Being a Man
  • The Silverback's Guide to Money
  • The Silverback's Guide to Selling
  • The Silverback's Guide to Conflict
  • The Silverback's Guide to Bullies
  • The Silverback's Guide to Dating
  • The Silverback's Guide to Divorce

Eight books

A$99A$157

Save A$58 against buying separately. That is A$12.38 a book.

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Find the book for your arena, wherever you are

How to Help a Mate Who Is Struggling | Notice, Ask, Sit With Him