The Silverback's Guide
Why 'Man Up' Is Getting Blokes Killed
Why is 'man up' getting blokes killed?
Because 'man up' is not advice. It is an instruction to bury the feeling, and buried feelings metastasise into anger, drinking, workaholism, gambling, affairs and silence. The manifesto calls it a death sentence delivered with a smile.
Two phrases are burned into the Australian male psyche from about age four: 'man up' and 'she'll be right'. When a six-year-old falls off his bike and an adult tells him to man up, the message is not be brave; it is your feelings are wrong. Multiply that by ten thousand moments and you produce a man who cannot identify, name or process his own emotional state. There is a clinical term, alexithymia, and it affects roughly twice as many men as women. The lump is not nothing. The cough is not nothing. The thoughts about the bridge are not nothing.
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What this covers
01
The two most dangerous words in the language, and the national delusion behind 'she'll be right'
02
Alexithymia: the research, and why it is socialisation not biology
03
The Stoics got it right and the manosphere got them wrong
04
The replacements: 'tell me what's going on' and 'what does the evidence say?'
The Silverback says
A Silverback is not made by his triumphs. He is made by his collapses, and by the fact that he got back up afterwards without becoming a complete prick about it.
Book One · The lead volume
The Silverback's Guide
One voice. Seven battles. One way of being a man.
The lead volume. The thesis, the map, and the most important content from all seven field manuals in one book. Most blokes who only read one read this one.
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Questions about why 'man up' is getting blokes killed
Is this anti-toughness?+
No. The strongest men the Silverback has known were not the ones who felt nothing. They felt everything and still got up at 5am and did what needed doing. Feel everything, then choose your response. That is the actual Stoic position.
Where is this in the books?+
Chapter three of the Expanded Manifesto, and in depth in Being a Man.
What do I say instead?+
'Tell me what's going on.' Five words. Use them on your son, your mate, and yourself in the mirror at 3am.
The Seven Arenas
Which arena is on fire?
01
Being a Man
The internal arena. Who are you when nobody is watching?
The field manual →
02
Money
Runway, super, the ASX, and not lying awake at 3am.
The field manual →
03
Selling
Every conversation where someone agrees to something is a sale.
The field manual →
04
Conflict
Your wife. Your boss. Your kids. The bloke at the registration desk.
The field manual →
05
Bullies
From the sandpit to the nursing home. How to handle them without becoming one.
The field manual →
06
Dating
Get this one wrong and the rest of the wins feel hollow.
The field manual →
07
Divorce
The most expensive event most Australian men will ever experience.
The field manual →
All 7
Plus the Manifesto
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The Complete Library
Read in any order. Skip what is not relevant. Come back when the next arena lights up.
Every volume in the series, delivered together: the Manifesto and all seven field manuals as PDFs, in your inbox within a minute. Lend them to mates. Argue with them. Underline them. Spill beer on them.
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- ✓ The Silverback's Guide to Conflict
- ✓ The Silverback's Guide to Bullies
- ✓ The Silverback's Guide to Dating
- ✓ The Silverback's Guide to Divorce
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