The Silverback's Guide
What Is a Silverback
What is a Silverback?
In the books, a Silverback is a man working towards a dependable standard. He tells the truth, accepts responsibility for his part, uses his strength with care, and makes room for other people to be fully human. He is still learning how to do all of that on the same afternoon.
It is not about grey hair, money or a dramatic past. 'He does not need grey hair, a particular income or a catastrophic backstory.' Chapter one opens with Glenn, a fictional workshop owner with three rules printed on a sign, and his apprentice Rowan, who points out that a booking error was Glenn's. The test is not the sign. It is the next sentence: 'Hang on. I approved that date. My mistake.' Then the phone call to the customer, who is still annoyed, and a change to the routine so it does not happen again. The chapter gives four markers worth keeping.
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What this covers
01
Marker one: learn from what has happened, rather than building a longer speech about everybody else
02
Marker two: stop pretending, including the respectable forms like 'flat out' and 'that's just how I am'
03
Marker three: say less when listening would help, then speak plainly
04
Marker four: show up, or tell people early when a commitment has to change
The Silverback says
The sign can stay on the wall. Just make sure the bloke standing underneath it is doing his share of the work.
Book One · The lead volume
The Silverback's Guide
Nine arenas. One code. A standard worth practising.
The lead volume and the foundation of the first ten books. The code, the map of all nine arenas and ninety principles to practise, in one place.
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Questions about what is a silverback
Is a Silverback the same as an alpha male?+
No. The manifesto describes a way of behaving, not a rank or a performance. In its words, the work 'begins with an ordinary choice, not a new identity to perform.'
Can a young bloke be a Silverback?+
Yes. Hard years can teach you something, the book says, and so can listening before you make the same mistake yourself. 'There is no requirement to destroy half your life before you are allowed to begin paying attention to it.'
Where is this explained in full?+
Chapter one of the Expanded Manifesto, 'What Is a Silverback?', subtitled 'The code when nobody is clapping.' It is the first thing in the book for a reason.
The Nine Arenas
Which arena is on fire?
01
Being a Man
Character, purpose and the daily work of becoming dependable, including asking for help.
The field manual →
02
Money
Habits, risk and financial decisions, from the bottom of the world.
The field manual →
03
Selling
Listening, explaining value and following through. Remember the person across the table.
The field manual →
04
Conflict
Difficult conversations, composure and repair, without demanding the last word.
The field manual →
05
Bullies
From the sandpit to the nursing home. Strength without becoming another bully.
The field manual →
06
Dating
Honesty, curiosity, consent and rejection. Meet people without an exhausting performance.
The field manual →
07
Divorce
Separation, children and rebuilding. Keep your head and protect what matters.
The field manual →
08
Leadership
Decisions, responsibility and listening. The standard others experience.
The field manual →
09
Spotting a Con
Pressure, flattery and missing information. Pause before committing.
The field manual →
All 9
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- ✓ The Silverback's Guide to Divorce
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- ✓ The Silverback's Guide to Spotting a Con
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